


AI: The Smash Files

by GregShep



Category: AI: The Somnium Files (Video Game), Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Gen, No Spoilers, Screenplay/Script Format, Video Game Mechanics, other than general character stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:15:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26160097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GregShep/pseuds/GregShep
Summary: Date was going through his monthly magazine delivery and discovered a letter closed with a wax seal. His eyes widened with excitement... could it be?He was somewhat disappointed when it was not the final Super Rare card that would complete his collection, but a simple invitation to a multidimensional fighting tournament.A collection of theoretical conversations between Date and Aiba regarding their fellow fighters in Super Smash Brothers, a la Snake's Codec or Palutena's Guidance.I'll be splitting this up by row in the standard Smash Ultimate character select. If I by some miracle see the whole thing through,
Kudos: 16





	AI: The Smash Files

**Author's Note:**

> This whole… thing is inspired by these Tumblr posts by user vansotheraccount:  
> https://vansotheraccount.tumblr.com/post/623922927386132480/if-date-was-in-smash-and-had-taunt-conversations  
> https://vansotheraccount.tumblr.com/post/624096834173992960/if-date-was-in-smash-and-had-taunt-convos-part-2
> 
> Well, only the first one, since that's the only one I had seen when I started working on this, but at time of posting I discovered the second one.
> 
> I try to keep these to between 50 and 100 words, and around 8 messages total. I wanted something that could feasibly be in a game as a fun little easter egg, not Aiba and Date rambling endlessly about Yoshi (although, maybe I do want that).
> 
> I also abstained from swearing and being too lewd for further feasibility, regardless of how in-character it would be (especially for Date).
> 
> Unless otherwise stated, Aiba is in her humanoid form. Date and the others appear as they do for the majority of the game. The UI would be the standard AITSF textbox and talking head (with occasional cut-ins, also in the style of the game).

**Mario**

Aiba - Date, that is Mario. He has been operating in the field for over 30 years.

Date - Awfully spry for an old-timer.

Aiba - The same could be said of you, Date. 

Date - Don’t put me out to pasture just yet!

Aiba - All I am saying is that age does not matter in this scenario. For instance, I am only five years old and possess far more intelligence than you or most others.

Aiba - Mario has more experience in free-running, princess-rescuing, and plumbing than either of us could ever hope to match.

Date - …

Date - Plumbing?

**Donkey Kong**

Date - Uh, Aiba?

Aiba - Yes Date?

Date - You didn’t tell me when I accepted that invitation that I’d be fighting an _actual gorilla_.

Aiba - That is Donkey Kong. He is the leader of the bunch.

Date - This guy is the _king_? He’s gonna tear me to shreds!

Aiba - He leads his own crew, made up monkeys, orangutans, and other gorillas.

Date - This is ridiculous! There’s _no way_ I’m going toe-to-toe with a 500 pound beast.

Aiba - If you chicken out I’ll give Mizuki your credit card.

Mizuki (feigned worry) - Noo! Date! Don’t fight him! You have too much to live for!

**Link**

Aiba - That is Link, the protagonist of the Legend of Zelda series. 

Date - I know him, there’s tons of versions of him from parallel timelines.

Aiba - This Link is a warrior from 100 years ago who woke up with no memory and a quest to complete.

Date - Another amnesiac… maybe we should start a support group.

Aiba - He is unfortunately not the talkative type.

Date (talking to himself)- “Hi, I’m Kaname Date, and I’ve lost all memory before six years ago.”

Date (talking to himself) - “Sorry, what was your name again...? And where am I?”

Aiba - Then again, you can carry a conversation all on your own.

**Samus**

Date - Who’s this in the suit?

Aiba - This is Samus Aran. She’s a well-known bounty hunter from the planet Cho-

Date - Aiba, activate X-Ray mode.

Aiba - I do not think she would appreciate your voyeurism. You would be likely to sustain a fatal injury.

Date - Hey! I’m not thinking anything weird, I just want to get a look at her face!

Aiba - One moment, please…

Aiba (shows a png of Samus’ face) - There you are, Date. 

Date - … it’s just not the same.

**Dark Samus**

Date - Who’s this guy in the suit?

Aiba - This is an alien entity that bases its appearance on Samus Aran, the famous bounty hunter.

Date - Samus… that’s that armored lady, right?

Aiba - Yes. This being was created after Samus killed Metroid Prime. Samus’ DNA and Phazo-

Date (interrupting) - Aiba, activate X-Ray mode.

Aiba - Right away, Date.

Date - _screaming in terror_

Date - Turn it off! Turn it off!

**Yoshi**

Date - What on earth is that thing?

Aiba - This is a Yoshi. Yoshi is a species of dinosaur found on several landmasses in the Mushroom Kingdom, especially on islands.

Date - Aiba, this isn’t a dinosaur. Dinosaurs are big and scary, and Yoshi’s kinda cute.

Aiba - Do not underestimate Yoshi. They can eat opponents and turn them into eggs.

Date - Well as long as I can avoid that I guess this fight’ll be _over easy_.

Aiba (with a pained look on her face) - Oh no.

Date - What’s with that egg-spession? Didn’t like my yolk?

Aiba - Stop.

  
  


**Kirby**

Aiba - That is Kirby, one of the most powerful beings in the universe. They say he can inhale galaxies.

Date - _That’s_ the most powerful? But he’s so… round.

Aiba (hamster form) - Is there something wrong with being round?

Date - Everyone knows the most powerful things have sharp edges. Like swords, and my chiseled jawline.

Aiba (hamster form) - ...

Aiba (hamster form) - Would you prefer me as a cube? I might not fit as well in your eye socket, but I’m sure Pewter can jam me in there.

Date - Fine, fine, round things have their place. 

Boss (smirking) - [insert innuendo here] OR Iris - [Insert something about cubes and Shovelforge here]

**Fox**

Date - Look Aiba, a fox.

Date (reverentially) - Please, noble fox, grant us your wisdom.

Aiba - That is not a fox like you or I know. That fox is actually a bipedal humanoid alien who only has an appearance similar to a fox.

Date - How many tails does he have? The more tails, the more wisdom within.

Aiba - It appears that he only has one. But again, this is not a normal fox, nor even a supernatural one.

Aiba - This Fox is an advanced being of science.

Date - ...

Date - Since when are aliens not ‘supernatural’?

**Pikachu**

Aiba (hamster form) - Pikachu is one of the faces of the Pokemon franchise. They are so popular that even you could recognize them.

Date - They’re everywhere in Tokyo. I think you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who didn’t.

Aiba (hamster form) - In almost every generation of Pokemon, there’s a creature with a design similar to Pikachu. 

Aiba - Before the second generation was officially released, the pokemon Marill was nicknamed “Pikablu” by fans due to its similar design.

Date - You know, your physical form kind of fits in. A little electric… mouse? Hamster?

Aiba - Aiba Aiba!

Pikachu - Pika pika!

Date - What are they saying…?

**Luigi**

Date - He’s a younger brother, constantly in his sibling’s shadow. He’s a bit of a coward but makes his way through even when things get tough.

Aiba - That’s Luigi. And you are spot-on - how did you know?

Date - I can see it in his eyes.

Date - Those baby-blues have seen a lifetime of disappointment and second-place medals.

Aiba - I see. You recognize a kindred spirit.

Date - Hey! I just sympathize with his plight, that’s all.

Aiba - Date, do not get sentimental. We must defeat him, for those are the rules of Smash Brothers. 

Date - He’ll just have to live with another loss.

**Ness**

Date - Is that a kid?

Aiba - That’s Ness. He is a powerful psychic.

Date - Sure, but he’s also a kid. Kids shouldn’t be in front-line combat.

Aiba - You let Mizuki fight.

Date - You know that Mizuki is a special case. Her steel pipe is right up there with industrial machinery in terms of power.

Aiba - Ness is particularly adept with the Way of the Baseball Bat.

Mizuki - Maybe we can trade combat tips!

**Captain Falcon**

Aiba - That guy over there is Captain Falcon, one of the best racers in the Universe.

Date - I thought that you get to sit on your butt all day in racing. Why is he so beefy?

Aiba - The Captain is not only known for his racing prowess but his hand-to-hand combat skills.

Aiba - The sound of his Falcon Punch connecting can be heard around the world.

Date - I need a special move like that.

Date (Imitating Captain Falcon) - DATE... PUNCH! DATE KICK!

Aiba - AIBA... PUNCH! AIBA KICK!

Date - Oh no, I think he heard us. He’s coming over. Run, Aiba!


End file.
